After a whole week of stringent calorie counting, exercise galore and sticking (almost) rigidly to The Golden Rules, I've lost 1.5 lbs and about 1" on most of my measurements. My bust measurement always seems to say the same no matter what my weight. I guess that's just something I'll have to accept about my body. I'll tell you what though: it seems like a hell of a lot of work for such small gains. I mean, I can see in the mirror that I'm more toned and slightly skinnier, but MAN was that one hefty week dedicated to the cause. I now have 11 more to go. Uuugghhh. How do I keep sane and excited about the process?
I am pretty exhausted this morning and I feel like I might be on the verge of getting sick. I read once that you can lower your immune system by over training, so that's a bit of a worry. I really think I need to add another Golden Rule: 1 rest day per week. But I'm concerned that'll mean I have to recalculate my daily deficit to reach my goal and it may become too difficult. I'd need to hit about a 730 calorie daily deficit, which means a LOT of exercise. I guess most days this week I've made that deficit anyway, but the pressure of hitting so close to the line is not fun. I much prefer to overshoot the mark and relax in the leeway I've created.
Is my 15 lb weight-loss goal in 12 weeks too tight? Experts say you can safely lose 1-2 lbs a week. I'm currently aiming for 1.25 lbs a week to reach my goal. It doesn't seem excessive. But I have a newfound respect for all those contestants on The Biggest Loser. I hear they burn 1000 calories a day and eat around 1500 calories. If they can do it, why can't I?
I woke up this morning kinda of stressed about this whole thing taking over my life. I don't want to train myself to be so obsessive. What if, after these 12 weeks, I can't go back to just enjoying my life and eating and exercising as my body dictates? Am I addicted to exercise now? I am really have a mental struggle this morning about taking a day of rest. One part of me is craving a day off, (the physical), and the other is fighting the urge and focusing only on my 12 week goal, (the mental). It just goes to show how, once you commit to something, it's near impossible to veer off the path to success.
I'm undecided at this point whether that's a good or a bad thing.
I used to be a perfectionist when I was younger. I gave 110% to anything I attempted, and if I wasn't sure of a successful outcome, I would avoid that task completely. Nothing scared me more than failure. But this is such a limiting way to live. (Incidentally I was overweight and dealing with a binge-eating problem back then. In hindsight it was possibly my only way of gaining control over my life). I was confident in my ability to achieve success in many domains and I had so many lofty dreams and goals, but the thought of all the hard work ahead of me had be putting off far too many dreams.
Over time I inevitably began to achieve less-than-perfect results in situations where I knew I'd poured in my heart and soul, yet I had no further control over the outcome. Moving from a public high-school (where I easily topped my classes in just about everything), to a selective high-school (where I paled in comparison to the State's top child prodigies and geniuses) and finally University (where nothing I did seemed to gain a High Distinction, no matter how many late nights I put in), I finally learned to fail.
I went off the rails for a bit at that point. I decided to 'choose' to fail, (in a vain attempt to harness control of the situation), by partying hard, skipping classes and just scraping by. I lost a lot of weight and was down to about 116 lbs, but I was so miserable inside that my weight loss wasn't even a redeeming factor.
Time and aging has brought wisdom to my life. I began to understand that to fail is a good thing. It means I have been out there grabbing the proverbial bull by the horns, trying new things, learning from my mistakes and fine-tuning my ambitions towards greater success in the end.... or so I thought.
Funnily enough, this 12-week 'Eating True Before 'I Do'' goal has brought up a lot of my past issues with perfection and failure. I suppose I still have the seed of perfectionism inside me, it's just that I don't often give myself over to many ambitions anymore as I am scared to death of hard work. I don't want to commit to anything, lest I kill myself with stress and anxiety and allow that thing to have power over me.
I'm not sure what to do with myself now, but I do have a 12-week goal and I've successful made it through 1 week. Woo-hoo! I am 0.25 lbs ahead of my weekly weight loss goal so I think I will go back and add that Golden Rule about resting 1 day a week. If I don't, who knows, the pressure may become so intense that I cave and try to gain control by 'choosing' to fail. And we can't have that, can we?
I am pretty exhausted this morning and I feel like I might be on the verge of getting sick. I read once that you can lower your immune system by over training, so that's a bit of a worry. I really think I need to add another Golden Rule: 1 rest day per week. But I'm concerned that'll mean I have to recalculate my daily deficit to reach my goal and it may become too difficult. I'd need to hit about a 730 calorie daily deficit, which means a LOT of exercise. I guess most days this week I've made that deficit anyway, but the pressure of hitting so close to the line is not fun. I much prefer to overshoot the mark and relax in the leeway I've created.
Is my 15 lb weight-loss goal in 12 weeks too tight? Experts say you can safely lose 1-2 lbs a week. I'm currently aiming for 1.25 lbs a week to reach my goal. It doesn't seem excessive. But I have a newfound respect for all those contestants on The Biggest Loser. I hear they burn 1000 calories a day and eat around 1500 calories. If they can do it, why can't I?
I woke up this morning kinda of stressed about this whole thing taking over my life. I don't want to train myself to be so obsessive. What if, after these 12 weeks, I can't go back to just enjoying my life and eating and exercising as my body dictates? Am I addicted to exercise now? I am really have a mental struggle this morning about taking a day of rest. One part of me is craving a day off, (the physical), and the other is fighting the urge and focusing only on my 12 week goal, (the mental). It just goes to show how, once you commit to something, it's near impossible to veer off the path to success.
I'm undecided at this point whether that's a good or a bad thing.
I used to be a perfectionist when I was younger. I gave 110% to anything I attempted, and if I wasn't sure of a successful outcome, I would avoid that task completely. Nothing scared me more than failure. But this is such a limiting way to live. (Incidentally I was overweight and dealing with a binge-eating problem back then. In hindsight it was possibly my only way of gaining control over my life). I was confident in my ability to achieve success in many domains and I had so many lofty dreams and goals, but the thought of all the hard work ahead of me had be putting off far too many dreams.
Over time I inevitably began to achieve less-than-perfect results in situations where I knew I'd poured in my heart and soul, yet I had no further control over the outcome. Moving from a public high-school (where I easily topped my classes in just about everything), to a selective high-school (where I paled in comparison to the State's top child prodigies and geniuses) and finally University (where nothing I did seemed to gain a High Distinction, no matter how many late nights I put in), I finally learned to fail.
I went off the rails for a bit at that point. I decided to 'choose' to fail, (in a vain attempt to harness control of the situation), by partying hard, skipping classes and just scraping by. I lost a lot of weight and was down to about 116 lbs, but I was so miserable inside that my weight loss wasn't even a redeeming factor.
Time and aging has brought wisdom to my life. I began to understand that to fail is a good thing. It means I have been out there grabbing the proverbial bull by the horns, trying new things, learning from my mistakes and fine-tuning my ambitions towards greater success in the end.... or so I thought.
Funnily enough, this 12-week 'Eating True Before 'I Do'' goal has brought up a lot of my past issues with perfection and failure. I suppose I still have the seed of perfectionism inside me, it's just that I don't often give myself over to many ambitions anymore as I am scared to death of hard work. I don't want to commit to anything, lest I kill myself with stress and anxiety and allow that thing to have power over me.
I'm not sure what to do with myself now, but I do have a 12-week goal and I've successful made it through 1 week. Woo-hoo! I am 0.25 lbs ahead of my weekly weight loss goal so I think I will go back and add that Golden Rule about resting 1 day a week. If I don't, who knows, the pressure may become so intense that I cave and try to gain control by 'choosing' to fail. And we can't have that, can we?
I tend to hold myself to a very high standard, and when I cave and 'fail' to meet that standard 100%, I turn around and say 'F*CK IT' and head in the complete opposite direction like an insolent child. My mind starts to say, 'Well I've ruined my diet by eating a cupcake today, so F*CK IT! I may as well stuff myself with 6 more cupcakes. It doesn't matter anyway." Ooooh, such a limiting belief. Thankfully my wonderfully supportive hubby-to-be is often waiting in the wings to convince me otherwise. He doesn't believe in 'F*ck IT's' and neither should I.
My new challenge is to take each day as it comes. I want to see each day in isolation and stick to The Golden Rules for that day without letting my mind run off towards the future. (When I do that I become overwhelmed by 'what if's' and 'it's all too much' and my subconscious need to control my potential failure begins to set in).
It's one day at a time .... and I just need to hold that image in my mind of me walking down the aisle in Fiji and feeling absolutely radiant with success and happiness. Anything in between should fade into the background of life and sort itself out as long as I'm focusing on small successes every single day.
My new challenge is to take each day as it comes. I want to see each day in isolation and stick to The Golden Rules for that day without letting my mind run off towards the future. (When I do that I become overwhelmed by 'what if's' and 'it's all too much' and my subconscious need to control my potential failure begins to set in).
It's one day at a time .... and I just need to hold that image in my mind of me walking down the aisle in Fiji and feeling absolutely radiant with success and happiness. Anything in between should fade into the background of life and sort itself out as long as I'm focusing on small successes every single day.
I also want to learn to relax. To get comfortable with flexibility over my rules and to know I can manipulate them if my body is sending strong signals, as long as I'm still in alignment with my long-term goals. So many new challenges. Who would've thought a simple diet would bring all this emotional turmoil to the surface? I've failed at many diets in the past after resorting to old patterns of behavior. To face these unsettled emotions and just sit with them is new for me. As is verbalizing (well, writing) them on a public domain. Perhaps this will be the key to my success this time?
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. My past is brimming with insanity. Here's to a consciously sane futur